I'm Still Here...

Wow, its been almost 2 months since I last posted anything.  You can probably guess why - I've gone back to work full time.  Yup, now I'm a working single mother.  That means:

1. Sleep deprivation - not Molly's fault, she is a good sleeper.  But I have so much to do every evening after she does to bed.  I'm up until almost midnight most nights getting prepared for the next day.  Packing the diaper bag, cooking meals for the following day, laundry, chores, etc.  Oh, and eating my dinner and sometimes getting a shower too.  I'm always sooo tired.
2. No time - when I think about the first months a year ago when I got back to Canada with Molly, I just have to laugh!  Why did it take me 2 hours to get out of the house?  Why did I think I was so busy?  HA!  Just look at me now!  My house is a disaster, my car is a pig sty, and it is still hard to get out of the house, but again, not Molly's fault - there is always too much to do.  Ergo - no time to blog!
3. Stress - yeah, crying in my doctor's office, hoping she has a magic pill for me.  We decided on a couple of changes I need to make to help me though.  The biggest thing I need to change is to find a nanny to care for Molly in our home.  That will relieve a lot of my stress, and Molly will be a lot happier too.
4. Financial shortfalls - I can't afford daycare.  I run out of paycheck twice a month.  I need new shoes.  I thought that going back to work full time and getting paid would be a good thing, but I obviously don't make enough.  Ah, I wish for the good old days last year when I was living on EI and draining my savings. 

I have actually written a couple of blog postings about going back to work.  I haven't posted them because they are too whiny.  I've been doing lots of whining!  But seriously, are we really supposed to adopt a kid from an institution, drag them across the globe and stick them in another institution for 5 days a week of the rest of their childhood?  Are they supposed to be away from us more hours than they are with us?  Are we supposed to go to work so that another woman can raise our children?  Then pay her lousy wages for taking care of our most precious loved ones?  I'm not judging, just whining.  I know that some of us, including me, have no or few choices to do it any differently.  I know that this is the only way I am able to have a family of my own, and I know that things will get better as Molly gets older and can start wiping her own bum.  I would do it again and again, if I could.  I just wish that lotto ticket in my Christmas stocking had been a winner...